While watching yet another home improvement TV show today, I realized that, even though they and all the books warn you to always wear safety gear and consult with a professional, none actually tell or show you what might happen should you ignore that advice. And yet, that might be the most important lesson of all…
I, of course, speak from experience. (You knew THAT was coming, didn’t you?)
Every time I type on Mr Keyboard, I’m reminded of what I did to Mr Finger two years ago this coming September. It seems that the housing sales boom sucked us up right along with it, and we decided it was time to get the H out of Dodge (or in this case, SoCal and all its high traffic, high prices, high heat and even higher propensity to burst into flames all around you.) So, after watching probably the equivalent of at least 40 hours of diy home improvement TV shows, and about 10 books on home selling/staging, I felt ready to tackle our own house. I mean, how hard could it really be if they get all that stuff done in less than an hour, including commercials, right? (Just for the record, I’m not THAT stupid – I know it probably took them at least TWO hours to do the work and they edited it down. BWAHAHAHAA….)
I actually had a great start (even if it did take me about 3 times longer and 5 times more money than planned for each task.) By myself, I managed to paint the entire exterior and interior of the one story 1250 sq ft house without mishap, other than the odd paint spill, cleaned up as soon as possible (or clothes hidden in the back of a closet to be disposed of later.)
Refinishing the tub and the kitchen sink even went pretty well except for having to open every window in the house for a couple days due to the smell. Laying new vinyl tile in both bathrooms almost went according to schedule. (Seems you need to set something flat to spread your weight on the tiles you just laid rather than sit on them directly or they ‘slide’ a bit, ruining your perfectly laid out pattern, requiring some reworking. I didn’t find out about that trick until months later on yet a different home improvement show after having relaid my own a couple times and then just filling in the boo-boos with a bit of silicone grout…)
When it came to laying the new laminated wood floor, I did discover on my own there ARE two ways to put a radial saw blade into a Riyobi 18v Radial Saw and backwards only ‘chews’ and burns the wood, making the radial saw kick and buck, besides leaving a vile smell and quite a few blackened edges to the planks, but luckily no blood was spilled. At least not at that point. (Good thing they recommend buying 10% over what you think you’ll need to account for ‘spoilage’ – too bad they don’t spell out ALL the ways you can spoil it!)
About now, I was pretty impressed with myself and the house was starting to look pretty good. From having almost no carpentry or home repair skills, I felt all the home improvement shows and books had practically made me an expert. I was ready to tackle another job in our quest for home selling perfection. After all, the house was almost 50 years old, and hadn’t had a facelift in about the same. EVERYTHING needed doing.
While I worked on laying the new carpet tile throughout the living room, hall and all 3 bedrooms (it cuts with just a straightedge and utility knife and goes together like a puzzle), Mom told me one of the ‘damn cats’ has ruined yet another window screen. The really old aluminum screening had become brittle, so, of course, the cat had chosen them for her escape attempts while all the work was going on. However, that did nothing for the aesthetics or livability of the house, having a cat-sized hole letting flies and bees in, so that became the next job, leaving the rest of the carpet tile for another day.
After yet another trip to Home Depot — which you know you’ve been to toooo many times when they yell out your name as if you’re a character on Cheers — I came home with windowscreen supplies, the new fiberglass that’s ‘pet-resistant’. (They’d never met MY pets, but at least it seemed easier to work with than more aluminum which I figured would scratch me up.) I had only 8 to do, so wanted to get them all done since it was Friday and didn’t want to spend a weekend working on the windows. Everything was going well until the 8th. Seems it had gotten dark outside, so I had dragged the remaining one into the kitchen where the light was better. I laid all the stuff out on the floor, put in a new blade into the utility knife as cutting the first 7 down to size in the frames had dulled the blade and was about to get started when Mom walked into the kitchen. I stopped as I was in her way. She got her coffee, walked to the kitchen door,
turned, said ‘Be careful’, and headed down the hallway. I picked up the screen, took the knife with my left hand and the excess screen sticking up with my right hand, and next thing I know, I’d sunk the nice new VERY sharp blade deep into my right index finder at an angle and lifted off Mr Fingerprint and now couldn’t get him to stay without extreme pressure and lots of red stuff.
Four hours in the emergency room and 6 stitches later, I found myself cursing home improvement shows, the home selling market and my own clumsiness. (Mom was just cursing the last and herself for having said, ‘Be careful’ – that’s like a red flag to Murphy and his law around me.) Since I’m right-handed, it caused a 3 week delay before I could use a utility knife again (which was partly due to fear of the evil critter and partly because I couldn’t use enough pressure on it to cut the rest of the carpet squares to size.)
So, if you’re planning to do-it-yourself, watch the home improvement TV shows, read the books, and consult with the professionals, but remember Mr Finger. They don’t tell or show you what can go WRONG… (On the bright side, I feel Mr Finger’s bandage looked quite friendly with a Smiley face added…not quite as friendly before the bandage, though…) Now, however, Mr Scar and the reduced sense of feeling in Mr Finger remind me to leave anything requiring really sharp implements to the professionals (or to use the professional meat-cutters metal mesh gloves I bought online to protect my hands AFTER I cut myself)… (LOL)
To see Mr Finger BEFORE the bandage, click on the black square – not for
the faint of heart (or stomach)…
bfarnew
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And before anyone else recommends them to me, here are some of the books I plan to read before starting ANY more new projects:
